J'dore Paris ♥
C'est magnifique!

Just received a letter from S today! (:
God knows how much I love receiving letters (besides my bank statements which remind me how my cash is dwinddling)!
And the envelop is so pretty in green with french words and the Eiffel Tower on it! It makes me want to learn French, sit at tea houses all day, sipping tea and eating croissants!

When something like that happens, something that made tears roll down, where do I go?
My bathroom. Because I have no where else to go.
And I had no one to call. Everyone was busy living their lives.
And there was nothing I could do but to cry in my bathroom.

But what do you do? You simply go to your room and pretend you did nothing wrong. No, not pretend. To pretend indicates that you knew you did something wrong but refused to admit it. You on the other hand, you believe you're never wrong. And you push the blame to others. Every single fucking time.

And when you cry, you use the tears to make people feel bad. You use it as a weapon to attack people. But when I cry, you see it as a sign of weakness. And you use it to attack me.

I really don't know how much more of this I can take. And you wonder why everyone around you seems to ignoring you? And your friends tell you that their children are good to them and treat them well? Then you complain how lousy you're being treated. How every person seems to be mean to you. Have you ever stopped and wondered why? Have you even considered maybe it isn't us, but it's you. It's you who constantly push the blame to others. It's you who always asks for too much (yet say you never ask for anything).

I'm the only one left who actually gives a shit about you. And you want to do this to me? Maybe it's because everyone else is already ignoring you so you can't do whatever shit you normally do to them. So you attack the only one left. Do you really want to burn the only bridge left?

The choice is yours.

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person.

Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweat and a t-shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them.

And most of all wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong."


Do you even exist?

Warning: This post contains some encryption so if you're not interested, just skip reading this post. It's more for me to rant and reflect.


Had to face both doplegangers today. It's amazing how I expect so much more from them just because they look like people I know. People who are (were) good. And despite such high expectations I placed, both didn't fail to impress me today. G's dopleganger's up first. Today while going out of the classroom, he held the door open for me and my friend. My heart fluttered. I know it seems like nothing, a guy holding the door for people. But hey, if such a simple act impresses me, what do you think my impression of guys nowadays constitutes? Go figure. I shall not elaborate on LDB's dopleganger. To put it simply, expectations were met.

Anyway, I find it so weird when I have to deal with doplegangers. It's like a little piece of my past coming back to haunt me. In G's case, not such a pleasant past, and LDB's case, better but still bitter. These doplegangers are people whom I have never met before and yet I associate them with people I have. I form expectations, bias, bitterness towards them despite the fact that they have done nothing wrong to me. I know it's unfair but sometimes, I can't help myself. Their original versions had hurt me so bad that somehow, I wanted to hurt the doplegangers. Make them feel my pain.

And somehow, somehow despite my bitterness towards the originals, I constantly find that their doplegangers never measure up to them. I find myself thinking "G was so much more..." or "LDB is much more friendly and kind".

I have no idea what's wrong with me. Maybe like what S said, maybe the people you love become ghosts inside of you and in that way, you keep them alive. In that way, I constantly seek out others to compare the originals to. Maybe all this is just my morbid imagination playing a trick on me.

Just consolidated my orders for the latest polish spree!
Yes, I'm hooked. It's like crack.

This time round, I'm getting lots of peachy pinks and nude, with the exception of a solid black polish (OPI Black Onyx)! And I just saw the most majestic colour to date: China Glaze Ingrid. It's this grey-brown colour with minor specks of gold shimmer. It's GORGEOUS! Considering putting it into my order form but I shall wait for feedback from S!

I'm finally getting to spend my day off tomorrow not in school premises! I'll probably be mugging, reading my notes and attempting discussion questions at home. That's the life of a year 2 NBS student. Hopefully I'll have some spare time to drop by Eastpoint to grab some supplies! I need new highlighters (I exhaust my yellow-orchard colour pilot highlighter like nobody's business!) and I want to see Revlon's Grey Suede polish at Watsons!!

Okay, got to devote my attention to accounting now! I'm going to reward myself with either an episode of Gossip Girl or HIMYM later on after I complete my accounting discussion questions!

I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy
You turn it on
Then you're gone
Yeah you drive me
Crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby
What can I do, honey
I feel like the color blue

Now I'm never, never, never, never gonna be the same

I almost dropped out of my chair today when I saw this in my communications assignment. Don't ask why. Either you get it or you don't. Looks like the universe isn't done screwing with me yet. Doplegangers and now this?

Oh wells, busy busy week ahead once again. I stayed back in school today for my Tax group presentation discussion. We want to be fully prepared in case the tutor launches into a full attack on us. Wrapped things up at 6.10pm although Szexia and I were getting impatient at 6pm and started spewing out our answers at speeds that could probably break the sound barrier. Then we headed to Jurong Point for dinner at KFC! Poor Pamela cuz we all didn't want to eat Macs so she had to give in to our cravings!

And we're heading to school earlier tmr to continue with our Tax discussion! Byebye extra sleep! At least I'll have wednesday off this week! And co-opt is on Thursday which means a long long long day for me! And I have to see LDB's dopleganger. (Don't ask why I know so many doplegangers) But hopefully we'll have time to squeeze in a few rounds of Asshole Daidi!!!! Had so much fun playing it during last friday's main committee bonding session! And I ended with being King! WAHAHA!

I headed to Simei today to get a lift home from my parents! Less public tansport = a happier Melissa! My dad said the funniest thing though. He said he was waiting in front on John Silver for me. JOHN SILVER???? I had to think for a while before I realised he was refering to Long John Silver!

Alright, this week is going to be a good week! (Desperately trying to emply some self-fulfilling prophecy here!) Plus loads of shows are premiering!!! HIMYM, TBBT and Glee! Not to mention a new episode of Gossip Girl and Supernatural season 6 and Grey's Anatomy Season 7 starting sooooon! Plus I'll hopefully be placing my polish spree order on wednesday! (:

Right, got to evaluate my peers in my comms group now! BYEEE!

The initial high that I was chasing has faded and I'm left lower than I've ever felt before.

The universe keeps throwing bullshit at me and at this point in time, I have no idea how much more of this I can take. The similarities in the two situations are too uncanny to ignore but what else can I do?

I've got many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how. And this is not just one "you", it's multiple "yous". Guess I've got to deal like all my demons and skeletons one by one.

(Don't worry, this is nothing suicidal. Like I said, suicide is for cowards who don't dare face their music.)

And in that split second, time stood still.
Hell, it went back to three years ago.
All in that one second.

Tell me all your secrets, I’ll pour you wine.
And if it gets late enough, I’ll tell you mine.

You Don't Know Jacques appeared more greyish online but when I tried it on, it was more brown and it reminded me of chocolate! Ski Teal We Drop is a dark blue-teal and I would regard it was OPI's Suzy Says Feng Shui's darker sister! Both were a dream to apply and turned opaque in 2 coats!

This was all the rage from the Hong Kong collection. Everyone was raving about it so I had to get me some of that Jade action! Sadly, I don't LOVE it. I think it's okay. It looks more of a moss green to me though. It does photograph really nicely but in real life it's much deeper. This is one of those colours I'll have to slowly grow into! That being said, I wouldn't write it off or anything! This was 2 coats!



China Glaze For Audrey

This is the prettiest blue polish I've EVER seen. It's as close to Tiffany's robin egg blue as they could make it (because Tiffany holds some special patent/copyright to their signature colour)! The moment I took it out of the box, I fell in love with it. If this bottle was a guy, I'd make it my husband. I kept staring at my finger all day because it's so beyond pretty! Application was good, this was 2 coats!



Essie Turquoise and Caicos

Very similar to For Audrey but this has a slightly green tinge to it! It's my second favourite colour of this haul! It's from Essie's Resort Collection and I do think it reminds me of some tropical clear waters! It's very dreamy and intense! Application for this one was a bit disappointing though because Lapis of Luxury (a very dreamy cornflower blue polish from the same collection) was such a dream to apply! This one took 4 coats to be nice, opaque and not so streaky! But the colour is totally worth it!

The other 2 polishes I got were Poshe's top and base coat! The base coat applies really smoothly but the top coat for me was not so good! I reckon there's a method of applying it properly (much like Seche Vite has its own method). I tried the SV method of draging a bead of top coat down, not a good idea at all. It became really think and jelly like and I panicked cuz it streaked. I think maybe the trick is to do a thin layer!

I hope I've satisfied your curiosity as to what colours I got from this haul! I don't think I'll be hauling any time soon because I'm going to be broke at the rate I'm going! I do expect another haul maybe next month? That said, I already ordered 2 Orly colours quite a while back but they'll only reach me in 5 weeks thereabout. So you can definitely expect more swatches when they arrive!

Effing effing effing tired! I went to school today just to help out at the CCA booth and for the welcome tea at night! Although it was tiring like hell, it was well worth it! I actually got to interact with quite a lot of people, told them about our club activities and psyxhoed them to join as a premium member instead of a normal member! HAHA! I guess it was fun because as the vice chair of the FOC, I was managing a lot of the behind the scenes stuff, making sure everything flowed as smooth to clockwork as I could make it and in the end, I didn't get a lot of time to talk to the freshmen and get to know them! So today was quite a nice experience! Plus I saw quite a few of the camp participants coming back and signing up as members so I hope this indicates that the camp wasn't such a total failure as I had imagined it to be!

I have still yet to decide if I want to run for the main committee again this year! How? If I run for main comm, I'm afraid I won't be able to turn on my "extreme mugger" mode!

Anyways, such a funny thing occurred at our booth today! Wanting was telling me about thestagewalk updates because I couldn't view the pictures last night. Then Jon walked in and asked what we were talking about and we said online shopping, and he said "BONITOCHICO???" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAN! And then he started to spew out all the blogshop names!! AND THEN, my brother joined in! It was soooooo epic!

Okay, bye for now, I got to fiish my tax discussion questions for tomorrow's seminar! WOOOOOOH, macs breakfast with the gang tmr before school since our accounting seminar was cancelled! :D

My new classmate looks like someone from my past who I have been trying to block out for years. And just like that, all those repressed memories from so long ago are starting to flood my mind.


I've been losing lots of keys lately
I don't know what that means
But maybe I've been better off with things that can't be locked at all

I just finished reading through my taxation notes and discussion questions! And although it was a feat within itself, I do somehow feel guilty for wasting yesterday away. Granted it wasn't my fault that the new notes weren't out yet and I had already finished reading the ones I had so I should be able to enjoy my spare time. But there's this nagging feeling inside of me telling me that maybe I should do more? Put in more effort? I know I resolved to turn on my "extreme mugger" mode but I have to be smart about it too right, turning it on to early will surely make me burn out midway through. So case in point, I actually have no idea how much effort to allocate to each module I'm taking. Maybe it's because it's only week one, which means more free time and of course that I haven't adjusted properly to the requirements of the modules yet. Oh well.

A flaw though, in the system, is that I maybe placed too many classes on Monday. And this means most of the notes will only be uploaded on Sunday so Sundays may start becoming a repetitive mad rush to prepare for the next day's lessons. I hope the tutors will consider posting up the notes maybe a week early so I can at least allocate my time properly such that I won't have crazy free days and crazy busy days! Plus, this also means I have to print my notes at home! My heart aches every time I see my notes because toner ink isn't cheap and my dad doesn't want to sponsor me for the last toner refill I purchased! And my stupid lessons start at 8.30am so there's no way I can go to the FAL to print my notes before class! Plus I also need the notes to prepare! If only I stayed in hall, then I can walk to the FAL on Sunday night or something!

Moving on to non-academic stuff (yes, I know they're such a bore but I need to at least have an outlet to rant!), the infection is healing pretty well! It has stopped oozing pus and blood, so now there's this lump of dried blood. Oh, how I hate dried blood because they always leave scars. And as much as I am an advocate of scars (like how each scar is unique and has a story), I think too many scars are also unattractive. I shall resolve to religiously slap vitamin E lotion onto the scar after the dried blood has dropped off!

I also dropped by the carefour expo sale last night! Bought a chocolate truffle blizzard from DQ first! It was like nomnomnom! The cup it came in was quite big too! But back to the sale, I got another Paulo Coelho book! It's called Brida and it's about finding your soulmate! Should be an interesting read! It was going for $13 only! I say only because it was the hard cover version! So yay, another book to read on the way home from school! Currently reading The Nanny Returns. Harvard Hottie still sounds hot! HAHA! Hoping they'll do a second movie cuz I want to see who they'll cast as grown up Grayer! Somehow, I always picture the little evil kid from that anti christ movie (I can't remember the title of the movie but it stars Julia Stiles!) playing little Grayer. Don't know if it's the same actor but he spooks me out!

Craving for good ice cream now. What I'd give to be able to quit school and start up my own ice cream/coffee/dessert/book house (that actually makes profits). It such a dream. I always picture it to be such an awesome place to work in and own! If only...

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
Nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold you?

It was a poisonous time to mix poison with wine
And a serpent that slept inside a poisonous mind
And I only really cared about the noblest class
The other lower forms of life I only cared about tax
And I supported a war raging across the sea
That I never really thought could back fire on me
Because I showed the other people to be free from their king
Yet I showed my own people they could do the same thing
It was the longest regime ended with guillotine
And now my head's in a basket I can hear them all sing
He thought he fooled the world when he ruled the world
But if you fool the world you never rule it

I guess it's time to revive this dusty blog. I see quite a few of my friends blogging rather regularly and I know I've been a very bad girl, foresaking this blog for my tumblr. So I shall try to update as regularly as I can!

Okay, now, I just saw the new iPod touch and I want it! Oh man, there's an inbuilt camera! Two, in fact! And my dad showed me this guy who customised a leica skin for his iphone 4! Oh man, if I do eventually buy the iPod touch, I'd hunt the skin down! You can check the skin out here! The thought of having the iPod touch, how I can play taptap and take pictures with it (I like the hipstamatic app and how the photos come out!), and yet still have enough space for my crazy crazy crazy amount of songs (I have 5565 songs in my iTune as of now but there are still more songs I haven't dragged in yet)! I'll get the 64GB model if I do get it! Prices have dropped too,to $588! And then maybe I can wait for their annual sale so it'll be cheaper! I have not idea if their annual sale still happens! But oh wells, a girl can dream! The only problem is that my current love, my iPod video (yes, it's that old, it was from my JC days?) is still in perfect working condition! I haven't even dropped it before! Okay, it's not a problem, it's more of a blessing but it also means I shouldn't buy a new iPod!

What else is there to talk about...oh ya, my infection is slowly getting better! My knee is less swollen and stiff and I can at least jog up the stairs now! It's still really pusy and bloody though. But I think the worst is already over and I don't have to go for the intravenous antibiotic course! Great news cuz if I did, I'd have to be warded! So let's hope the infection heals up properly and doesn't return!

And, I received a letter yesterday! Not by post cuz it was simply passed to me, but just the same cuz I still get that rush of wanting to open the envelope and read its contents! Don't you love that feeling of excitement? It's very similar to when my online shopping loots arrive in the mail and I want to rip open the envelope to see my purchase, except I don't rip open the envelope cuz the entire letter is always precious! And it's good to know that someone actually wrote the letter, instead of typing the contents! The fact that it's handwritten is, I don't know, so special. Like it was for me and me alone. And it's a little piece of something special from the person who wrote the letter! That's probably why I still believe in writing letters! So that the recepient can feel all of the above when they receive my letters! Plus because I enjoy buying nice letterpads! Sadly, because I only write to mainly one person, I have ALOT of letterpads that are collection dust! Maybe you can write to me! HAHA! Humour me and drop me some snail mail! I always keep my letters that I receive! (Okay, with the exception of the letters I recently threw out from my secondary school era! But that was because the people who wrote them to me and no longer held dear to me!) If you still are held dear, I'd still have your letters! And I have proof because I have letters from primary school! Yes, so write to me so I can write back to you so I can buy more letterpads! HAHA! (:

Music update wise, I've been listening to Jack Johnson and The Killers. Oh, and I;ve also been watching RAWsessions on youtube. It's all about people performing cover songs and their own original tracks! Most of the people are actually very good! There was this guy called Rome, he was actually chosen to perform with thhe band Sumblime! (IMO, I always think of Bahbah, my SP, when I see him! HAHAH!) He's got funk! And there's this band, they covered Kesha's Tik Tok, it was super amazing! Better than the original for sure! Check it out here! It's really less irritating compared to Kesha's version. Oh, and there's acoustic versions of Coldplay's Viva la Vida and Lost!! Super super good!

Yups, and I finished The Alchemist already! It was a real good read! I felt quite inspired after reading it! I borrowed the Manual of the Warrior of Light from my dad! It's by the same author but it's more of a page by page inspiration read. Should be quite a fast read! And I'm reading The Nanny Returns now! Borrowed it from the library the other day and I've been reading it in the train on the way home from school! I'm hoping I'll be able to read my books on the train ride everytime and not be too busy that I have to read my notes! It's actually a good opportunity for me to catch up on my unread books!

Okay, enough for now! I'll try to update again soon!

I am drowning in readings. The readings for this semester are CAH WEH ZEEE. I honestly thought 2 seminars a week would mean 1 would be allocated for teaching and the other for going through the discussion questions. But boy was I wrong. Apparently, we are expected to attempt the discussion questions BEFORE class. BEFORE the lesson is even taught! And my tutor expects us to KNOW how to fill in the blanks in the notes BEFORE SHE EVEN GOES THROUGH THEM! Hello, if I knew all of the above, do you think I'd be going for lessons???

The workload this semester is crushing down on me amd it's only week ONE. I'm seriously amazed at how some people took an extra elective mod somemore! Hats off to you man! I think my mum is going to hear a lot more of me saying I want to quit school!

Looks like my plan to turn on the extreme mugger mode is slowly crumbling. I mean, hell, I can turn it on but whether it will yield results is a whole other issue!

And can I add, waking up at 5.30am is a freaking bitch. So much for wanting to dress up better! The only thing I can process at that insane hour is what colour NBS shirt to grab!

Okay, I have to go back to my 33 page reading on Reporting Financial Performance: Proposals for Change; Recommendations of the G4+1. I already created a new age playlist on Windows Media Player (Can't use iTunes to play my Nokia Music Store songs! What a waste!) featuring 2002, Kevin Kern and Chester Tan! I think it's going to be my go-to playlist to relax and focus while studying! I have also spritz my table area with Ralph Lauren's Romance to make me feel happier! All that's left is me making an effort!

Okay, bye!