Warning: This post contains some encryption so if you're not interested, just skip reading this post. It's more for me to rant and reflect.


Had to face both doplegangers today. It's amazing how I expect so much more from them just because they look like people I know. People who are (were) good. And despite such high expectations I placed, both didn't fail to impress me today. G's dopleganger's up first. Today while going out of the classroom, he held the door open for me and my friend. My heart fluttered. I know it seems like nothing, a guy holding the door for people. But hey, if such a simple act impresses me, what do you think my impression of guys nowadays constitutes? Go figure. I shall not elaborate on LDB's dopleganger. To put it simply, expectations were met.

Anyway, I find it so weird when I have to deal with doplegangers. It's like a little piece of my past coming back to haunt me. In G's case, not such a pleasant past, and LDB's case, better but still bitter. These doplegangers are people whom I have never met before and yet I associate them with people I have. I form expectations, bias, bitterness towards them despite the fact that they have done nothing wrong to me. I know it's unfair but sometimes, I can't help myself. Their original versions had hurt me so bad that somehow, I wanted to hurt the doplegangers. Make them feel my pain.

And somehow, somehow despite my bitterness towards the originals, I constantly find that their doplegangers never measure up to them. I find myself thinking "G was so much more..." or "LDB is much more friendly and kind".

I have no idea what's wrong with me. Maybe like what S said, maybe the people you love become ghosts inside of you and in that way, you keep them alive. In that way, I constantly seek out others to compare the originals to. Maybe all this is just my morbid imagination playing a trick on me.